As I sit here watching the game and think about the Paul Tillich curb-stomping I seem to have convened at Facebook (quite inadvertently, BTW), it occurs to me that football and theology have much more in common than one might think.
Just as there are great players and coaches, there are great theologians. Some teams have established themselves as dynasties, so have theological movements and schools. Finally, and most importantly, when theological students debate the merits and demerits of a theologian or idea, they often sound like "Mike on a car phone on I-95" calling in to trash the play-calling in last weekend's loss, or to taunt the fans of their arch-rival.
All this raises the question: Who deserves to play in the NFL of theology, and who would win the Super Bowl?
John Calvin gets to play, and not just because I'm a Presbyterian. Phenomenally successful, enormously influential, loathed by those outside his fan base, and not particularly loved by those within, Calvin is the Bill Belichick of theology. But Calvinists as a team remind me less of the Patriots and more of the Oakland Raiders in their heyday. Especially John Piper's shock troops who are conquering college campuses one IV group at a time.
John Wesley doesn't get to play. Wesley is (Jonathan, I hope you'll appreciate this) the Steve Spurrier of theology: very, very good at a certain level. No Calvinist animus here; I won't let Jonathan Edwards play either. Nobody from the 18th century gets to play, unless we take this league in some weird XFL-like direction and let middle linebackers play with baseball bats. In that case, David Hume gets to play.
Since Thomas Aquinas built his entire theological system by creating and destroying his system's mirror image ("It seems... but on the contrary..!"), Aquinas represents the meanest, nastiest defense that ever took the field. Purple People Eaters, or '85 Bears? I'd say the latter because Thomas was extremely fat, and we remember that Bears team for the Fridge as much as we do for that Buddy Ryan/Mike Singletary 46 D.
My warm comments about Pentecostalism notwithstanding, I think they're the San Diego Chargers of theology. Pentecostals can put up some gaudy, gaudy numbers. Dan Fouts numbers. Philip Rivers numbers. But I doubt they have what it takes to win a championship.
Big question: Who's the Dallas Cowboys of theology? This would be a school or movement that once strode Christendom like a colossus, but whose latter day glory resembles a dumpster fire. Plus, their devotees would have to be wankers.
Another big question: Could we ever get an Augustine/Aquinas matchup in the Super Bowl? A lot depends on whether those two belong in the same conference, if you know what I mean.
Karl Barth versus Thomas Aquinas would be one for the ages, like the Steelers and the Cowboys in Superbowl XIII.
Posted by: |